


Let Me Be Your Shelter

by Spectascopes



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Depressed Sans, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, general sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:05:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6949828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spectascopes/pseuds/Spectascopes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Papyrus finds out that Sans isn't okay.</p><p>(Just depressed!sans in general, 5 chapters, no real narrative, just vent writing)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> don't expect too much from this, it's just cathartic shit. It won't have much of a story, more just... dealing with depression? Little angsty tidbits? can't promise a plot lol, I wrote this a while ago and figured i might as well post it

Alphys always left her phone on at night. She didn’t need to worry about her friends messaging her and waking her up, because she only had a handful of people she could even call acquaintances, and none of them were particularly night owls like herself.

That being said, she’d gone to bed at the reasonable time of one in the morning when she was woken an hour later by her phone ringing.

She picked it up, anxious, and saw… Papyrus?

He was calling through Undernet, and as much as Alphys enjoyed his comments and thought he was funny, the two of them had never really… talked before. Not in a way that would warrant him calling her at two in the morning.

“Uhm… h-hello?” she said softly into the receiver, half expecting the call to have been an accident.

“Hello, Dr. Alphys, I’m sorry to call so late but… I’ve got… a question…”

She might have been amused, but his voice was wavering and he sounded on the verge of tears.

“Papyrus, a-are you okay? Did something happen?”

“No- uhm. Yes? C-Can I ask you something?”

“Y… Yeah, go ahead,” she said, even though her stomach was tangled in knots and she wanted to hang up the phone.

“Do you happen to… do you know anything about… uhm…” Papyrus stopped and the scientist heard him suck in a breath that was nearly a sob. “I know you aren’t a medical doctor but I didn’t know who else to contact, Sans was at the bar and he drank too much and he threw up on himself and passed out, I didn’t want to leave him like that all night so I took off his shorts and… I…”

There was silence for a moment. This time, Papyrus actually did sob a little bit.

“D-Do you know anything about s...s-self harm? And… how to possibly… make somebody stop doing it? Or… or how to… to h-help…”

His words were punctuated with sobs. Alphys put a hand over her mouth for a moment, and before she could say anything, Papyrus started blubbering into the phone again.

“I-I didn’t know he’d been- doing that- until now, and I feel awful, I should have done something sooner, oh Alphys it’s just awful, I’m an awful brother and I don’t want him to hurt himself anymore-”

“W-Woah, calm down, Papyrus, I… I know some stuff about it. Is he safe?”

“He’s sleeping- I… I don’t know anything about this, and I just want to help him, but I don’t know how…” Papyrus was still crying, and Alphys could hardly imagine somebody as wonderful and happy as Papyrus being this distraught.

“Do you know how long he’s been doing it?” Alphys asked softly. 

“I… I don’t know, but some of the… the marks… look like they  could be from a long time ago.”

“Did any of them look like they needed medical attention?”

“No… no, I don’t think so. Some of them were-” Papyrus broke off to take in a shuddering breath, “were deep, and recent, but…”

“L-Listen, Papyrus, it’s gonna be okay. Has he ever shown signs of depression before?”

“I don’t know- I don’t know anything about that stuff, and I feel so awful, I should have known, I should know about this, all I know is that h… hurting yourself- usually means you want to- to- to stop… b-being alive- and- and I-”

He’d escalated from crying to bawling, clearly making himself more upset with his own words.

“I don’t- d-don’t know what to do- I’m s-scared- what if he- what if he… oh god-”

“Shh, Papyrus, hey, he’s not going to do that,” Alphys said, but she had to swallow back the tears that threatened to overtake her voice. “And it’s not y-your fault that you didn’t know- what m-matters the most is that you want to help him get better.”

“I-I can’t- I can’t let him… I’ll do anything…” he whined.

Alphys closed her eyes for a second. It felt like her heart was going to burst.

“You’re a r-really good brother, Papyrus,” she said after she’d composed herself and his sobs had quieted some. “Do you want me to send you some resources? There’s websites out there with a lot of information.”

“Y-Yes, please,” he sniffled.

“I’ll send a link as soon as we’re done talking.”

“B-But what should I do?”

“I think the best thing y-you can do for now is to let him rest, and when he’s awake, tell him what happened and how you saw, and that you’re there for him. You’ve gotta be supportive, and patient. Read through what I send you and call i-if you have questions, okay? I’m not a professional o-or anything but… it’s going to be okay. Okay?”

“Okay…”

“You gonna be alright?”

“Y-Yes…” he whimpered. “Thank you so much.”

“Don’t m-mention it. I’m gonna go so I can send you that stuff, call me if you need anything, a-alright?”

“Alright… thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Papyrus. Call me tomorrow and we’ll talk more.”

“Thank you…” he said with another sniffle before he hung up. 

She sent him a few links, first about depression in general and then specifically about self harming, and then laid back down with her phone close by.

Her mind was too preoccupied with worry for her to get much sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

It was all there: fatigue, mood swings, sleeping too much, the works. Papyrus read through all of it and he knew that Sans was depressed- and he felt like the worst brother in the entire world for having not noticed sooner.

Sans was sleeping in his bed- Papyrus had laid him down there so he could keep an eye on him, and because his own room was a mess. Lack of hygiene was another symptom. Papyrus wish he’d known that. He wished Sans had  _ told  _ him. 

Papyrus watched his brother sleep and he wished that his face always looked so calm and happy. He felt tears welling in his sockets before he could fight them off. 

Sans was everything to Papyrus. Sans was his big brother and his biggest fan and the nicest, kindest monster Pap had ever met. He was smart- so much smarter than he made himself out to be- and even if his jokes were agitating, they were still good. He cared about Sans more than anybody else in the world. Sans deserved to be happy, and safe, and loved, because Sans had always made sure Papyrus was all of those things. 

Papyrus sniffled and wiped his face. Crying wasn’t going to help his brother. Crying wasn’t going to make him stop- Papyrus took in a shuddering breath and stood, unable to stay still any longer. It was foreign and strange, he didn’t understand why anybody would ever want to hurt themselves like Sans was, but he loved Sans and he was going to make sure that Sans knew that. Sans deserved to be happy, and he’d do anything to make that happen.

He shuffled over to the edge of his race car bed and looked down at his brother, sleeping soundly, the scent of alcohol still clinging to him. He bent his head down and rested it gently against Sans’s. Sans was alive. Papyrus hadn’t been too late. 

“We’ll get through this,” he said softly. “I promise.” 


	3. Chapter 3

Papyrus let him sleep in the next morning. He made pancakes- Sans’s favorite breakfast food. He even put chocolate chips in them and broke out the whipped cream as a delicious top to a delicious meal.

Sans came grumbling into the kitchen at a little after ten, holding his head and mumbling curses under his breath.

“Hangover?” Papyrus asked as Sans took a seat and he was presented with a sizable stack of pancakes.

“Nah, allergies,” Sans said. His eyes were glued to the table. 

“We don’t even have noses,” Papyrus protested as he went back to the stove and continued making food. “Your excuses are becoming lackluster, Sans.”

“Heh, yeah… sorry, Pap,” Sans said, raising his eyes and giving his brother a sheepish smile. “I probably don’t deserve these ‘cakes.”

“You deserve all of the ‘cakes’ and only the best of the best,” Papyrus said, holding up his spatula for emphasis. “That’s why I made them for you. Because I love you.”

Sans stared at him for a second before he laughed. “What’s up with you, bro? Usually you yell at me like a mama bird and  _ then _ make pancakes, you’re flip-flopping the whole order.”

“The only thing that was ‘flip-flopping’ was your stomach last night. You threw up on the couch.”

Sans winced. “Aw shit, I’m sorry… you coulda left it, I would’ve cleaned it up,” he said, genuine guilt on his face as he started eating his pancakes. He elected to just pick them up with his bare hands and eat them, but Papyrus didn’t mind. 

“It’s fine, I’m very good at cleaning, you know.” 

“I thought you were good at everything you did?” 

“I am! But cleaning in particular is an area of expertise.”

Sans smiled idly down at his food, but it didn’t last long.

“Hey… I really am sorry about going and getting wasted like that,” Sans said, the usual humor gone from his voice. “I know how much it makes you worry, right down to the  _ bone _ and all.”

Papyrus sat down and folded his hands on the table. He liked this. Sitting, talking, nothing at all wrong in the world except for Sans and his awful habits with alcohol. But Papyrus let out a breath and steeled his nerves.

“I saw your legs, Sans,” he said gently. “I want you to know that… I’m here for you. For anything.”

Sans’s eyes went black and he stared vaguely in Papyrus’s direction, but for a few seconds he went still and didn’t move.

“You threw up on your shorts and I took them off so you didn’t have to sleep in them... I’m sorry.”

“You… you saw?” he asked softly.

“Your femurs. The marks.”

Sans turned his empty eye sockets to the floor before he brought a hand up and rubbed his face.

“Fuck. Pap, I… I know you’re probably upset, and I know I’m a bad brother-”

“Sans!” Papyrus said, unable to keep his voice soft. Sans jumped as though hit.

“I’m not upset! I’m just… I’m worried about you,” Papyrus said. Sans looked away like it would take the raw emotion from Pap’s voice. “I want to help, brother. I know that… that, you didn’t tell me, probably because you didn’t want me to worry, but… but regardless, I know now. I care about you, Sans.”

He didn’t say anything for a long while, or do more than glance in his brother’s direction. Sans hid behind his humor and never liked talking about serious things. Papyrus waited, patient in a way he only ever was with his brother. When Sans didn’t speak, the taller skeleton let out a quiet breath.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t realize you weren’t well,” he said gently. “I was doing research last night and I know more now, but… but I want to help. However I can. I’m here for you, Sans.”

“Pap… it… it isn’t your problem to worry about me, I already hold you back enough-”

“No you don’t,” Papyrus said. “You do no such thing, and even if you did, you’re my brother and I love you and it wouldn’t matter. I… I need you, Sans, and I know that… d-doing that… I know that can lead to you doing m-more harmful th-things-”

Papyrus was on the verge of tears. He was glad when Sans reached over and put his hand on top of his.

“I want to h-help,” Papyrus said. One of the tears fell. “I want to b-be as good a brother to you as you are to me, and, and I… I don’t want you to hurt anymore-”

“Papyrus,” Sans started, but his voice wobbled.

“I want you to be happy. I want to help, brother- I want to help. I know you hide things to keep me happy but I can’t let you do that anymore- not when- n-not when you’re… you’re-”

“I… I’m fine, Pap, seriously,” Sans tried. “You don’t have to worry about me…”

“I worry about you a-all the time brother-” Papyrus said, and he meant to sound angry, but he just sounded sad. “I love you so much, and I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy, Sans.”

“I’m fine…” Sans said, but his voice broke. “I-I… I’m fine, Pap, I’m…”

Sans sobbed, and Papyrus was on him in a second. He held his brother close enough to feel his soul pulse in his ribcage and Sans hugged him back just as hard. He still smelled a little bit like the bar, but he mostly smelled like Sans, so Papyrus hugged him and rubbed his back as he cried into the taller skeleton’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” Sans whimpered into his brother’s scarf. “I-I… I’m so sorry, Pap.”

Papyrus held him close, ignoring the pit in his stomach upon seeing his older brother break down so precisely. He’d hardly ever seen Sans cry, let alone sob, but yet here they were. He wouldn’t say it, but he was scared. Holding Sans eased the pain, but he was terrified that he would go too far. That one day the pain wouldn’t be enough- that Sans would-

He squeezed a little tighter and pushed the morbid thought from his mind. That wouldn’t help. Thinking like that wouldn’t help his brother. 

“I love you, Sans,” he said gently, pulling away to touch their foreheads together. “No matter what.”

“I love you, too, Pap,” Sans said, but his voice wavered and he only kept the contact for a moment before he sobbed and Papyrus guided his head back to his shoulder and hugged him tight.

It hurt, it stung, it burned like fire, but it was progress.


	4. Chapter 4

Sans cried himself out and then acted like nothing had happened. Papyrus sat him down on the couch and stayed close, but Sans wouldn’t look at him, electing instead to watch the wall in shame.

“Does it hurt?” Papyrus asked softly.

Sans flinched and rubbed his femurs. He’d always done that, but now Papyrus understood.

“Nah, not really. Just a bit.”

“I can heal them for you, if you want me to,” Papyrus offered. Sans looked at him but quickly averted his eyes.

“If… if it’d make ya feel better, Pap,” Sans said eventually. 

“Are you comfortable with it?”

“I… sure.”

“That isn’t very convincing, brother,” Papyrus said, trying to keep at least some of the severity at bay.

“You can,” Sans said with forced resolve. One look at his face told Papyrus that he wasn’t comfortable with it, but he was trying to be. Even then, he was trying to make Papyrus happy instead of himself.

Papyrus scootched a bit closer to his brother and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s just look at a few for now, alright? I don’t want you getting too  _ rattled _ .”

Sans looked up at his brother and gave a small, shy smile. Papyrus returned it, which prompted Sans to ever so slowly and gently reach down and grab the leg of his shorts. He looked at his brother once, as though for approval, and Papyrus nodded.

Sans exposed his lower femur, and sure enough, a cluster of meticulous, even marks ran over the surface. Some were still healing, old wounds that had been deep in their time, and others were rounded at the edges and worn. Sans didn’t look at himself or at Papyrus.

Papyrus gathered up his magic and his love and rested a gentle hand over Sans’s leg, right above the knee. He’d always been pretty good at healing, and he’d healed Sans on more than one occasion in the past. 

Sans huffed when the magic made contact, but he relaxed onto the couch as the green, pleasant energy spread across his leg and seeped into the wounds. Papyrus closed his eyes and concentrated on healing his brother’s self-inflicted cuts. It took no more than two minutes, and when he’d done all he could he moved Sans’s shorts back down to cover the filled-in marks.

“How’s that?” Papyrus asked.

“Better,” Sans said. It was very odd to see him so hesitant, given that he was always the more easy-going and relaxed of the two brothers. He grabbed his shorts in his fist for a moment before looking up at Papyrus. “I… I’m sorry, Pap.”

“Brother, you don’t have to apologize-”

“I know, I mean… for not telling you. I guess I was just a little, uh…” Sans trailed off. He was clearly trying to think of a joke, but his eyes were dark and he seemed close to tears again.

After a pause, he shook his head. 

Papyrus felt his heart twist. He laid a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

They stayed like that for a while. Sans began crying, and even though the noise crushed Papyrus like a vice, he hugged Sans close and rubbed his back. It struck him how small Sans was- how his whole frame shook with each sob. Papyrus had always worried about things that could potentially hurt his brother. He never would’ve guessed that Sans himself would be the biggest threat.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter- I know this hasn't really been a story, that's cause it was never meant to be >w> I had no direction for this in the first place, hell I never planned past the first chapter, it was 100% vent writing. But for those with concerns, Sans does get better, Alphys follows up and Sans lets her in as well, Undyne supports both of them, it's all good. Mental illness is really serious and if any of you need somebody to talk to you can always hit me up, my contact stuff's on my profile page. Anyways, thanks for reading and commenting, you guys are the best and I love you all <3

Papyrus didn’t press him. For the rest of the day, he and his brother sat around the house, comfortable in each other’s company. Sans was a little more reserved than usual, but when he realized his brother wasn’t going to force him to talk about it, he relaxed. They watched TV, played cards, got on the internet and looked at funny videos, everything they usually did when they spent time together. Work could wait- anything else but Sans was unimportant.

MTT was playing, and Sans was leaning into his brother’s side. They didn’t say anything as they watched a particularly bad episode of Mettaton’s show, only laughed when something dumb happened or cringed when the second hand embarrassment became too much. Sans added snide remarks that made Pap’s side hurt from laughter.

Sans shifted against Papyrus. Nothing was playing, but they were warm and comfortable and not going anywhere. The taller skeleton looked down, but Sans was staring at the floor. His eyes looked so numb.

“Heh… you must think I’m pathetic.”

His voice was quiet and sad. It’d been a very long time since Papyrus had heard his brother speak that way. 

“I don’t think that.”

“You’re just… you’re so good at dealing with your problems,” he went on gently. “You talk to me, you don’t question yourself, you’re… you’re so open. I don’t know how I’m related to somebody as great as you.”

Papyrus frowned. Sans refused to look at him, so he looped his arm around his brother’s side and held him.

“I had to get it from somewhere, you know.”

Sans breathed out a laugh. “Ain’t from me. I’m just a big stinky coward.”

“A coward would have given up,” Papyrus said. Sans tensed a little and looked up at his brother, but Papyrus went on.

“You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met, brother. You’ve been taking care of me since you were just a babybones yourself. You’re funny, and strong, and when you love you do it with all of your heart. I’ve always wanted to be like you.”

Sans’s eyes had gone dark as the words seemed to sink in. He looked away.

“You’re just sayin’ that, Pap.”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

Sans had nothing to argue.

“You’ve had to be a grown up for a long time,” Papyrus continued. “You had to take care of me, and get a job, all while you should’ve been outside romping about in the snow, not a care in the world. I’ve always thought you were incredible. I should have told you that before.”

“None of this is your fault,” he said immediately. His hand curled into the fabric of Papyrus’s scarf. “You’re the only thing that’s kept me-”

He stopped. He pressed his face into his brother’s chest.

“... kept me goin.”

It was hard to fight the waver in his voice, or the tears that threatened to spill from his sockets. Papyrus  had to swallow before he spoke.

“Sans. Do you… do you want to… stop living?”

Sans said nothing. He started shaking. Papyrus had to wait for his soul to calm before he went on.

“Brother… I… I won’t pretend that I know what any of this feels like. But if you ever… want to do that. Please remember that I love you, okay? No matter what. I wouldn’t know what to do if you were-”

Dead. He couldn’t say it out loud. He didn’t expect Sans to say anything, but he choked out a sad, sad laugh.

“I’ve always thought… heh. How much better you’d be without me.” He laughed again, and it broke Papyrus’s heart. “If you didn’t have to look after me, if I- just- ended it. It’s so fucking hard to find a point anymore.”

“Do you think you’d be better off? If I was d-”

“Stop,” he choked. “S-Stop. I don’t want to think about it. God- Pap-”

Papyrus held him close as his whole frame shook. He shushed him, cooing, doing anything he could to make his brother whole again.

“I-I need help,” Sans whimpered. Any semblance of a shell he’d built to protect himself had fallen away, leaving him raw and bare and vulnerable. He shuddered. “Pap- I need help... I… god damnit. I just- I don’t know what to do anymore-” he broke off and held onto his brother like he was the only thing left keeping him grounded.

“Shh… I’m here,” Papyrus said, so very softly. “I’ve got you. You’re not alone, Sans. I’ll always be here. We’ll get through this just like we’ve gotten through everything else- together.”

Sans didn’t say anything. He was shaking, but not crying. Papyrus’s soul hurt to see him in such a bad state, but he held him tight and rubbed his back and spoke gentle reassurances. Just like Sans had done for him, when he was young. Pathetic- Sans considered himself pathetic. Papyrus rubbed his brother’s arm. He was not pathetic. He was  _ hurting _ . He was hurting and he’d been hiding it to keep his brother happy. 

“I’ve got you,” he said. “I’ve got you.”


End file.
